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Getting the Conversation Going:
Wait until you're not furious to talk about this issue. Family conflicts may be particularly unpleasant, especially when the focus is on the family, such as the holidays. If your family members are fighting, waiting until everyone is calm can help prevent the conflict from becoming a full-fledged quarrel.
- If you're still upset, don't bring up the family issue. Even though you're still upset, if you wait even a single night, the strength of the sensation will certainly diminish.
- Waiting allows you to tackle the problem intellectually rather than emotionally. You won't respond as quickly if you take a step back and give yourself some time to consider before dealing with the problem.
- Approaching someone when you're furious can just add to the stress of an already difficult situation. There's no reason you can't wait till tomorrow to make your point, so restrain yourself.
Deal with family issues face to face:
We've all been there: we've all sent a text or an email that we wish we could undo. Using instant chat or email to resolve a disagreement or family problem is the worst option. Filtering ability, awareness, and inclination improve with in-person talks.
- This is because technological communication may readily misinterpret tone. You may not believe you sound furious, but the person receiving your text may think you do.
- Pick up the phone or, better yet, organize a face-to-face meeting instead of sending a text. People lose touchstones of body language, which may express empathy and alleviate the sting of an unpleasant discussion, as a result of electronic communication.
- Another reason to avoid internet contact is that people say things they would never say to another person's face to face.
Accept that everyone has faults, including yourself:
Blood is thicker than water, and you may select your friends but not your family, according to legend. You may be able to cut people out, but it may result in greater misery in the long run.
- The first step in resolving long-standing issues is to recognize that family members have faults but may still be loved. Try to figure out why people act or believe the way they do because it might be a reflection of them rather than you.
- Accept your faults as well. Accept responsibility when you've earned it. Try not to think of family problems as binary equations in which someone is wrong and someone else (maybe you) is correct. Instead, try to notice the shades of gray. Nuances fascinate me!
- Being the first to apologize, even if you don’t believe you did anything wrong, may help tremendously. You might say, "I understand your anger, and while this has been difficult for me as well, I apologize." At the very least, you'll be able to say something. If the family member maintains the conflict, you took the high road.
When talking to your family, avoid the blame game:
by using positive words. Avoid using negative words or language that places blame on any of your family members. The circle of negativity is a terrible one.
- That involves refraining from using judgmental language or calling a family member a name. It entails avoiding accusing remarks used in a threatening tone. Blaming others will make them defensive and more likely to retaliate, making the situation worse.
- Avoid feeling compelled to “win” the family conflict. Instead, acknowledge that there are two or more ways to look at the situation. Make a strategy to solve the problem as a group. Then, concentrate on planning activities that will allow you to have fun together while avoiding anything that may operate as a "trigger," reigniting the problem. Discover new aspects of your family members and new methods to communicate with them.
- Maintain a calm and modulated tone and voice, rather than a high and agitated tone and voice. Explain your ideas calmly and deliberately, yet with empathy for the other person. Always attempt to put yourself in the shoes of the family member. Make an effort to defuse the situation by making conciliatory remarks such as "I understand your perspective."
Forgive any family members who have wronged you:
Forgiving family members can be a challenging task. It's difficult to forgive someone who has harmed us, whether a family member or not. When it comes to family members, such sentiments might be much more intense.
- However, forgiving is ultimately about releasing oneself from the toxic character of the conflict. Forgiving a family member entails letting go of the past to create a more positive future free of tension and worry.
- If the family member has freely accepted guilt for whatever is creating the situation, tell him or her you forgive him or her. Say it with compassion. It’ll make a big difference.
- Remember that every sinner needs forgiveness in his life. This will most likely include you one day.
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